I cannot put into words the pain that occurred when I was broken up with. But I want you to know that it gets better.
I felt like my whole world was crumbling to pieces. Countless hours were spent sobbing because I had lost the person who meant the most to me. Confusion raged within me as I tried to figure out why I wasn’t good enough when I had given him everything and had loved him so deeply. Would I ever be good enough for anyone? Would anyone ever love me? The girl who once felt so beautiful and happy suddenly felt worthless.
This didn’t just go on for a few days- it went on for months. I fell asleep crying every single night because I just missed him so much. People called me crazy because I was crying over something that had not even lasted that long. But they didn’t understand how much I loved him. They didn’t understand that I didn’t even remember how to be happy after he left. Some days, simple tasks like getting out of bed or eating were so hard to do.
I really did love him. I really did believe he was the love of my life and that we were destined to be together, and that’s because he told me every day that he was going to marry me someday, and with all of my heart, I believed him. I still wonder if he ever really meant it. I really did fight with everything within me to keep us together, even just as friends.
He broke me much more than he realized. And if breaking me was his intent, then go him. He did it. He’s a heartbreaker and I’m sure that makes him feel special, knowing that there are girls crying over him and he can choose which one to manipulate next. But I want all the girls who are broken hearted to know that I did not stay down forever. I’m back. And my brokenness only made me come out stronger.
Here’s what I have learned from the breakup:
1. Compromising is never worth it. I will never give up my convictions to please another person. If my standards are too good for a man, then he can go pray at an altar and get his mind right. My beliefs are now stronger than they were before and I will never allow myself to back down on what I believe again.
2. Actions speak much louder than words. Anyone can they that they love you, but are they showing it with their actions? Anyone can say they are going to marry you, but don’t just put all your hope into thinking they are- wait for that ring to be on the finger. I know now not to fall for pretty words. Words don’t impress me anymore. You love me? Prove it. Don’t just say it, do something about it.
3. You shouldn’t have to beg someone to love you. I am who I am, and if someone doesn’t love me the way I am, then they don’t deserve me. Begging someone not to leave should never happen, because if they love you, they will stay.
4. If he’s acting different in church than he does outside of church, then he’s not the one. I never should have thought the inappropriate jokes and actions were acceptable. Church boy needs to stay church boy no matter where he’s at or who he’s with.
5. If he doesn’t respect your parents, that’s a bad sign. The rules and boundaries your parents have set are there for a reason. Don’t be convinced that they don’t matter.
6. Your relationship should stand up to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. The man you are with should be patient, kind, not jealous, not boastful or proud, honoring to others, not selfish, slow to anger, keep no record of wrongs, hate evil and love the truth, protecting, trusting, hoping, and persevering. If he is not all of those things, and if you are not all of those things in the relationship, then it is not love.
7. “A loss may be sometimes a gain” -Jane Austen | I thought that the end of a relationship was the end of my world, but it was actually a new beginning. I have learned so much and I have a new compassion for teenage girls. I am much closer to God than I was when I was with him. Losing him was a chance for me to become better, and I know I’ll gain someone much better in the future. Whoever it is- whether it’s him 10 years from now (which would be crazy but who knows what God wants) or someone across the world- I know it’s someone who will love me more than I can imagine and lead me closer to God. I can’t wait to gain that.
8. My worth is not defined by the world. The labels he placed on me- psycho, pathetic, stupid, irrelevant- do not define who I am. God defines my worth, and he says I am beautiful even in my brokenness, forgiven, loved, and free.
So, young girl who feels like a breakup is the end of her world. It hurts and it will hurt for a long time. But I promise you that it does get better. Don’t let a stupid boy ruin your life. God has a plan for you much greater than you can imagine. What’s meant to be will be. Rest in knowing that.